Learning German Lesson 1

Dear Miss Tequila,

you can see us seriously baffled that an „asian“ woman (even this kind of labelling sounds racist to our bloody liberals‘ ears in Germany) is celebrating and saluting with a group of nazis in an italian restaurant. This story is honestly too weird to be trumped-up. We are somehow reassured that obviously not only German nazis are, as we say, „not the brightest candles on the cake“.

So as you now want to copy our true and upright citizens of Germany by showing the Germans‘ most significant gesture for hatred, the „Hitlergruß“, we’d like to help you becoming the German you seriously deserve to be. We’ll treat you the way we treat our clients, we even write in your language, which is quite an obliging thing to do. But racists deserve the same treatment all over the world!

Let’s start with your attempt to imitate what we invented: true germanness.

„S[…]i[e]g heil!”

We’re proud of you! Just try a little harder, grow a little moustache and wear more brown, maybe one day even you will become a real „Strammdeutscher“!

Kind regards from communist Germany